This is my poem for poetry class this week, hope you enjoy!
Nostalgia
There is nostalgia I wish I had
As we sit upon this porch
Parents gone
Smoke filling lungs
There is a nostalgia I wish I had
Instrumentals blasting
As the band’s vocalist screams his lungs out
People going crazy on the dance floor
There is a nostalgia I wish I had
As I feel the warmth of her breath flow into me
Kisses taking me to a place that should be familiar
Presence that touches a soul that should have already been touched
There is a nostalgia I wish I had
Because when I feel nostalgic
It is for eighteen years
For which I never feel I never lived a day of
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I like this. If I had to make a suggestion off the top of my head I might tweak the idea of "instrumentals" in the second stanza because instrumental implies no vocalization and then you mention that in the next line. Maybe you could reference the screaming speakers or the bass, something that would locate the reader in listening to the music at the show, standing too close to the deafening tower of amplifiers. That feeling of deafening musical override, that's a very unique feeling to attending a concert, something I feel like you're trying to embrace but maybe the current language of the second stanza isn't doing as much as it could.
ReplyDeleteI see what your saying, I didn't think of it that way. I guess I was just thinking about the instruments and the volume of their sound, so instead of putting "instruments blasting" I put "instrumentals" because it sounds nicer. I didn't think about how the word more so indicates a lack of vocals. I like the speak idea, I may go with that.
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